Erased a number you couldn't forget.

'Have you ever loved.
Like in the movies where they fall in love at first sight.
Stayed up all night on the phone.
Bragged to the world.
Waited in the pouing rain.
Ran like crazy towards them.
Secretly watched them.
Gone crazy.
Pretended not to see them.

Of course you have loved.
Gone broke because of anniverseries.
Said sorry even after you did well.
Stayed up all night writing a love letter.
Moved a date with your family.
Prayed to God for them not to hurt.
Avoided friends.
Missed them.
Watched their backs as they left.'

---

'Have you ever broken up.
Had your makeup erase in the rain.
Cut your long hair.
Picked up a cigarette even though you quit.
Avoided a place thinking you might meet them.
Written a letter you couldn't send.
Get drunk and dial their number.
Had your lips freeze.'

Of course you have broken up.
Hated them as much as you loved them.
Torn a letter you couldn't read.
Erased a number you couldn't forget.
Celebrated an anniversary on your own.
Burned all the pictures.
Thought that all the sad songs in this world were about you.'


Huh.
I can totally relate.

&btw, 1st day of alpha was greatttt. Mr.kim is so...REAL, yknow? Like, he has so much experience. He had a story for everything he said to us. In just the hour that I was there(supposed to be 2 hours, but me padre was late) he gave the class so much to think about. Im actually really looking foward to tutor now. Because I've decieded that I want the choices that he says we'll have if we study hard. I want to be happy and work for something I love to do.

Blarg. Okay goodnight!

kimmyoung style.

"Your lap makes a good pillow, you know."

I laugh. "Well thanks, Ill take that as a compliment."

"It is."

------

"Hey! I missed you at lunch. What happened?" I ask.

"Listen, we need to talk."

"Uhm..okay."

He takes me by the hand and leads me over to an isolated table.

"Okay, so whatsup?" I question.

"Do you realy think our relationship is working?"

"... what?"

"I mean, we never see each other. I only have 1st lunch twice ever two week. We only talk through texting and AIM. And your always busy so we never get a chance to hang out."

"I thought you liked texting better than talking on the phone."

"I do. Its just that, we never get the chance to really talk, you know?"

"I don't really understand..."

"I don't think this relationship is going to work, Alyson. Do you?"

I don't respond. I fidget with my backpack straps and stare at the ground.

"Look at me Aly."

I slowly tilt my head up. I already feel the tears welling up, but I can't show them in front of him. I won't.

"Yeah. I don't think so either."

"Okay. Think we can still be friends?"

'Friends my ass.'
I plaster a fake smile on my face.
"Yeah sure, of course."

"Good. Im glad."

"Listen, I have to go. Audreys waiting for me."

"Alright. Bye."

I give him an awkward wave before I turn and dash out the front gate. The stashed tears start streaming down my face like bullets.
Audrey sees me. The first thing she does is wrap me in a big hug. 'Yeah, that's my best friend' I think.

"Did he do what I think he did?"

"Oh yeah," sob, "he did." its all I manage to choke out between sobs.

I take my phone out of my pocket and press speed dial 2.

Ring, ring.

"Hello? Aly? Do you want me to pick you up now?"

Hoping she won't recognize my sad voice I say,
"No mom, we're only halfway done. Im going to need another 10 minutes."

"Alright babygirl, take your time."

"Thanks mom. Love you. Bye."

Click.

While I have my phone out, I open my text message inbox. It reminds me that my inbox is 88% full. 157 texts from him.
'Hi girlfie, how's your day? :)'

'I need one of your hugs right now.'

'I miss you.'

'I love you.'

I press the menu button and go down to the 'Delete All' button. I hesitate, my fingers shakily hovering over the OK button.

"You don't have to do it so quick Aly." Audrey tells me.

"No, I need to. Its going to hurt more later if I don't."

I press down on it quickly, firmly. It takes a moment since there are so many.

'All messages deleted.'

------

For a month and a half, I thought I was in something close to love. What was the love that I thought I was in? An endless line of text messages, myspace comments, and hugs. Ridiculous isn't it? And it all ended because he started liking one of my best friends. REALLY ridiculous now huh? It hurt a hella freaking lot at first to see them hugging or holding hands at school. And gosh, at first, I tried to hate his guts. But I couldn't. Then just a month later, he fucked up his relationship with my old best friend. Well, that's probably when I really started hating him. Now? He's a player that everyone hates that fucks with girls lives.
But now, when I look back at it, more than 6 monthes later, I realize that I was really, truly happy for that month and a half span when I was with him. I truly liked him at the time, and im glad that I got to be with him before he became all weird. So I guess I can't really say I regret being his girlfriend. And I really have to thank my friends and my sister for helping me through it. 'He's not worth it, he's not worth it. He doesn't deserve you. You can do 10000 times better.' My sister would say. And at the time, I couldn't get myself to believe those things.
As for me, im doing just fine now. I got a little crush on a guy at summer school, and my home and social life are guh-reat. I see him in the halls sometimes, but it doesn't hurt anymore. We may lock eyes once in a while, and yeah, I have an urge to mouth 'fuck you', but seriously? He's not worth it, and I can do 10000 times better.

summa schooooool 08.

So just last week,
I read my sisters blog...

AND ITS FCKN AMAZING.
Mayun, I wish I could write like that. One of her entries even made me cry.
And her entries actually have meaning...
Unlike mine -________-xx

But anyways, im going to try to start writing meaningful-ish entries.


....


After this one. (:

So summer school started monday. And it SUCKS. All we do is practice keyboarding, get completion questions to do, and take tests ! + the class is waaaaaay too freaking quiet for my taste. & the first day, I was sitting next to vivian, but the computer that I was at(next to vway) had issues, so I had to move to the seat in front of the door. So now I sit next to a girl that looks like a duck! And mr. Huang has an unclesam accent, so I can barley understand what he's saying -__-x buuuuuuut. There's this cute guy in the class (: he has nice, swishy hair & nice legs. YUM ! But he sits in the back :[ but we did brush arms once ! Kekekekeke(sorry kcj)

Okay I have a test tomorrow. And another one the day after tomorrow.
And probably another one the day after that.
Sigh. Its never going to end.
Who knew ic3 was going to include so much work ?

Oh, and im taking the alpha test tomorrow. Yay tutor! -_-x well, at least its better than kumon. Ew kumon. I mean, what kind of name is kumon? A stupid name! Oh and did I mention how hot it was today ? FREAKIN hot ! Like, ridiculously hot. I was sweating my ass off -_-

OKAY back to the tests. I should probably sleep so that:
A. I can concentrate on my tests tomorrow and not doze of
B. I can grow taller [so I can be a baller](HAHA JKAY)
C. Less pimples! [GYEAHHH!]

Alrighty then.
Good night
Let the bed bugs bite.

I wish...

I hate it when my parents 'argue'.
It scares the shit out of me.
Like one of them goin to suddenly go all phycho and throw something or jut get up and leave.
Its 2 30 in the fckng morning and I can't fall asleep.
I really don't have anything else to write. Other than I miss summer07 and I wish I had a computer so I can rewatch gokusen or hyd to pull my stress out. And I fckng wish my parents will get better.
Well I guess I should try and go to sleep again.

Wish me luck.

Goodnight.

Random topics

Honestly ? Im not sure what to write. Nothing happened today. Well, I went to the library, big whoop. But I don't know, I had this sudden urge to go on blogspot :]
So lets see... what's there to discuss...
I want to go to school :[ summer is super boring so far. Yeah sure its only like, the 2nd week but still! Last year, I was at winnies house 3 times a week by the second week of summer.
Speaking of winnie... I feel like we're growing apart from each other. We never talk anymore. Its super saddening.(is saddening a word ?) ehkneewayz...
I REALLY need a new computer. Actually, scratch that, I need a COMPUTER. How I survived 2 and a half monthes with no internet connection, which means: no k&j dramas, no kevjumba or ndtitanlady, no blogspot!, no changing my profile constantly on aim, no downloading new music :[, and no putting up new pictures on myspace D;
Yeah I'll admitt, the last one wasss sort of shallow and gay, but its true.
Wow its 1:39 am. I spent like, 2 hours watching The Devil Wears Prada before I washed up. Sigh, ortho tomorrow. I'd best get some sleep.
I can't tell if this post is long or now but it looks ridiculously long on my sidekick. Btw my sidekick looks reallllllly boring and bland. I need something to put on the back. Sure, I could put an endless amount of cue pictures since the back of the sidekick is so ridiculously wide; but I want to do something more original, unique ydig ?!
Wow I went off topic. Goshdarnit im turning into ashley. Well, I should REALLY go now or im going to be shruper cranky tomorrow.

Adiosss.

1st blog!

augh. so i forgot my other blog's password so i just deceided to make a new one.
let's see, let's see... what has happened. well, i finished the first gossip girl book yesterday. sure, it was just a tad bit overrated and overdramatic; but pretty good nonetheless. & now, i really want to see the show because everyone says its good.

school's over. no more middle school
NO MORE MIDDLE SCHOOL.
no more chaparral
no more ms lacerte and mrs strand
no more dbl
no more chill classes
no more group tests
no more doing hw at lunch
no more yearbook
nothings going to be the same.
i can feel it.
not to be pessimistic of course, but i mean really, isnt it a duh? maybe the first year. but i know not all my my friends and i are going to be the "best besties for life". Best friends. whatta over used term. whatta misused and misunderstood and underestimated word.

but anyways, i have to go soon so im not going to go into anything deep for right now.
LAKERS LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST GAME 3 :[[
but its okay! because we still have another 4 games !

okay, im just sorta kinda a bit tired.
and i need energy to go watch dont mess with the zohan with katie,mich,ashley,ann,priyasha&marqueer tomorrow. and i know thats going to be tiring -__-x

so gnight!
sleep tight.
im going to dream of TOP tonight ! :]